


Cold Pizza

by DivineVarod



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Caretaking, Cute, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Exams, Hungry, Kochanski - Freeform, M/M, Overworking, Pizza, Pre-Series, Pre-Slash, Stasis Leak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 04:42:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8651530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineVarod/pseuds/DivineVarod
Summary: Lister just likes fixing things that are broken ...





	

When Dave Lister heard the lolloping sound followed by the soft moan for the third time in under five minutes he knew he was fed up with it. He had listened to the many sounds of Arnold J Rimmer's stomach for the best part of 90 minutes now and couldn't take it any-more. With a groan he closed his comic and addressed the source of the noise pollution.  
  
“Rimmer, for smeg sake!!”  
  
Rimmer blinked up from his book distractedly. He'd been so engrossed in his studies he wasn't even aware Lister had been there at all. There was another exam coming up in less than two weeks time and he had promised himself that he was going to pass, he was giving it all he had this time. He rubbed his weary eyes for a moment to clear the fog and licked his dry lips. He wondered how long it had been since he'd last blinked or drank something.  
  
“Lister?” He asked, his throat feeling as dry as sand paper and sounding just as hoarse.  
Lister raised his eyebrows at the odd noise coming from his bunkmate. “Sorry to disturb mate, but could you keep the racket down please? I'm trying to read me comic man.”  
Rimmer's eyes shot up in stunned amazement at what he felt was an utter injustice thrown his way.  
“That's rich coming from you!!”  
Lister rolled onto his belly to look at the Second Technician with a cheeky grin. “I mean it man! It's driving me nuts!!”  
Stung by the bizarre accusation Rimmer slammed his book closed, flared his nostrils and gave his subordinate a rather withering look. “Lister … have you gone space crazy? I'm not making any noise, I'm reading a book and unlike you I am not mouthing the words.”  
  
Lister simply returned the look with an added cheeky twinkle in his eyes and a slight scoffing sound for good measure. “Not making any noise, you say Mr Rimmer? Your smegging stomach begs to differ. The stupid rumbling and the moaning. What's wrong with ya anyway?”  
In an instant the bravura left his superior as Rimmer looked down in immediate embarrassment, a slight blush colouring his face. For a second he fiddled clumsily with his hands, then he shrugged.

“Well … I've just ... forgotten to eat all day.” The Second Technician sighed wearily.  
  
Lister raised to his knees to face Rimmer in surprise hearing that reply.  
“You forgot to eat? How can you forget to eat? How can anybody?”  
Rimmer's posture became defensive once more.  
“You might not be able to, but I have my priorities straight.” He shot back.  
“Wha, yer going on hunger strike to force the Captain into making you an officer?” Lister smirked, knowing that the chances of Rimmer's promotion were less than minute.  
“Oh ha, hah. No, I had to do all the shifts alone today, you see. You had your day off and …” Lister registered a slight sadness in Rimmer. The man himself felt mortified that for some reason he couldn't stop himself from blurting things out in front of someone of lower rank. “... for … some reason everyone capable of assisting me called in sick or had prior arrangements. I had worked out how to do it all - shifts and studies. But I studied all night yesterday and overslept. So I skipped breakfast to catch up and finished in time by skipping lunch and doing it all back to back. Then I skipped dinner to cram in missed study time and now, thanks to you reminding me I'm aware that I'm _smegging starving!_ ”  
Rimmer abruptly stood up. He had planned on a little grandstanding to gain back some dignity: storming out with his books to make a point, maybe. But for some reason the room suddenly swayed as he stood up, so reluctantly he sat himself down again.  
“Rimmer?” Lister asked, a slight concern sounding in his voice as he heard Rimmer swallow back nausea audibly.   
“Just a little light-headed. It'll pass. I've been trained to function on no food. I'll be fine. I'm tickety-boo.”  
  
Lister shook his head, what was wrong with this man? “Yep, you sure got your priorities straight mate.” He chided but stopped as he noticed the Second Technician was turning a little pale. “Hey man, just asking, but when was the last time you ate anyway?”  
“Yesterday morning, I think ...” Rimmer mumbled, sounding slightly spaced out. “Yes … I think it was … Never mind, it happened before. Father said learning on an empty stomach builds character.”  
Lister jumped from his bunk to give his bunkmate a look of bewilderment, he couldn't help feeling concerned about him. “Smeg sakes Rimmer, go eat something. It's no wonder you're always fainting at exams!"  
Rimmer looked up at Lister with long suffering confused annoyance.  
“Well, it's too late now, isn't it? We've got nothing here and everything's closed.”  
“Vending machines?”  
A withering look was shot the Scouser's way. “Oh for smeg sakes Lister, they're locked for lower staff after 11 p.m. How can you not know that?”  
Slightly stung by the clear disdain Lister backed off.  
“Hey, I'm trying to show concern here, you know?”  
Rimmer shook his head then put it in his hands.  
“I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just, now I'm aware of it, I'm so damn hungry it's all I can think off.”  
That Lister understood and his annoyance passed as quickly as it had appeared.  
“Oh hey, it's all right, I get it man.”  
  
Suddenly Rimmer's face shot up, his eyes filled with a wild panic.  
“I bet I can't get to sleep now! Oh God, I won't sleep! I'll be a mess in the morning I won't be able to study and I'll fail my exams, I fail my exams because I forgot to eat. I might as well quit now!”  
Lister internally groaned: just his luck, Rimmer was having a breakdown. All he wanted was to read his comic in peace somewhere, but he couldn't abandon the poor guy in this state, could he?  
“Rimmer, calm down for smegs sake.” He said, giving him a soft pat on the back.  
“How can I? My life is over!!”  
Lister walked to the sink and got Rimmer a glass of water, while thinking of a way to help him out.  
  
“Thank you ...” Rimmer mumbled as he eagerly took the glass from Lister.  
Seeing him down the glass in one go Lister couldn't help but stifle a slight giggle.  
“Man you're even weirder than usual when you're hungry!”  
His bunkmate didn't reply. He dejectedly put his glass down, his entire posture the very image of misery.  
_There had to be food somewhere in this room_ , Lister thought. Then he suddenly remembered something and hopped back onto his bunk, where he produced an extra large box of pizza from under his pillow.  
“Hey, look Arn, I think I've solved your problem!”

Rimmer looked up and raised his eyebrows.  
“Cold pizza?” The man asked in a tone filled with dread and apprehension, which Lister found rather ungrateful.  
“Hey, you're the one who's starving!” He reminded him.  
The Second Technician stood up to look at the box the way a forensic inspector would investigate a crime scene.  
“But Lister, It's yours! I don't know how long it's been there and ...”  
Once again an insulted Lister got of his bunk to face Rimmer.  
“Smeg, you really think I'm that disgusting, eh?”  
Rimmer backed off.  
“Let's face it Lister, you're not exactly Martha Stewart, are you? Two days ago you drank a three week old lager that had an unknown life form growing from it!!”  
Well, Lister had to admit, his bunkmate had a point there; he wasn't exactly known to care much for hygiene - though he had improved himself slightly now he was dating Kristine Kochanski.   
  
“Hey, it's fine, mate: I got it in today, Kochanski and I were gonna eat it, but she had to cancel …”  
Rimmer frowned in confusion.  
“Sorry to hear that … So it's fresh?” He looked at the box in a way that could only be described as a mixture between ravenous and salivating.  
“Yep, extra thick cheesy crust and everything …”  
Suddenly Rimmer turned away and closed of.  
“I don't eat pizza …”  
_Now what happened?_ Lister wondered.  
“Why not?”  
“I wasn't allowed junk food as a child …”  
Lister stood himself next to him, waving the box temptingly in front of the starving man.  
“You mean you're a pizza virgin?”  
Rimmer swallowed.  
“I think so ...”  
“Well high time to change it.”  
  
Rimmer looked at Lister. He was so hungry, but so terribly scared at the same time: Lister was unusually nice to him, that frightened him. Could he trust him? And his parents had drilled the “no junkfood rule” into their sons head from the day they were born. But that pizza looked so tempting it made his stomach hurt. He could smell it now: Cheese ... tomatoes ...  
“I … I don't know Lister … I …” The man almost blacked out for a second.  
Lister quickly eased him onto a chair.  
“Look Rimmer, you need to eat before you pass out on me. No-one here's gonna judge you for eating pizza. You know what, I'll even warm it for you. Come on man.”  
  
A brief silence.  
  
“You really mean it?”  
“What?”  
“You're not just promising me I can have it and then take it away again?”  
“Wha'? No!! Of course not, who'd do that?”  
“You have no idea …” Rimmer muttered darkly. Then he looked up tentatively.  
“I'd love some of that pizza, Lister.”  
  
The next day Rimmer would swear it was the hunger that made him give in and caused everything that happened that night. Maybe it was, or maybe, just maybe, there was a part of him that rejoiced in someone kind enough to look after him, no matter the suspicions his anxiety threw up.  
A big smile broke on Lister's face.  
“Good choice Mr Rimmer. One smegging great pizza coming up.”  
Lister turned to the microwave just as Rimmer spoke again.  
“What were you planning with Kochanski?”  
The Scouser smiled: was that Rimmer attempting small talk?  
“Nothing special, sit around in bed eat pizza have a drink and watch a movie.”  
  
_“So nice and homely”_ , a starving and extremely over studied Rimmer thought jealously. He could picture Lister and Kochaski together laying on her bed, not a care in the world, while he … _Wait, was he talking?_  
“I … I would like that … I've never done that ...”  
His eyebrows raising into his hairline Lister turned round, the pizza still in his hands.  
“Rimmer? What are you saying?”  
Without thinking Rimmer just blurted it out: “I'm starving, I'm knackered and … I'd like to watch a movie in bed with you.” Suddenly he realised what he was saying. “Oh God, I really need to eat. Forget what I said, just give me the pizza.”  
A silence, a silence that made Rimmer certain Lister would report him to the Captain for being mentally unstable.  
  
“10 Things I Hate About You.” Lister suddenly said to an unsuspecting Rimmer.  
“I beg you pardon?"  
Lister snorted at the confusion on Rimmer's face.  
“10 Things I Hate About You, was what I was gonna watch with Kochanski. I got it ready to play, if you wanna …”  
Scared at getting his wish so easily Rimmer closed down and tried brushing Lister off.  
“But … boys … men shouldn't …”  
“No Rimmer,” Lister thought. “You're not backing out now!”  
He positioned himself in front of Rimmer to stare him down.  
“You're not getting the pizza if you're gonna be homophobic Rimmer. Come on you were the one to bring it up. It'll be fun. We'll have pizza, a lager and I've got some fresh crisps somewhere. Let's have fun instead of fight tonight, Arnold.”  
  
This strange but kind response to his breakdown got to Rimmer. It almost made him emotional, almost.  
“Lister … I'm going crazy before your very eyes and you just … accept it?”  
He couldn't understand it.  
“Sure, I've seen what you did to get there.”  
A tentative smile spread at the corners of Rimmer's mouth. “I never knew you could be so nice …” He said softly.   
“Oh hey, I … I just like taking care of people, I guess ...”  
  
Another silence.  
  
“Lager?”  
  
“Yeah ...”  
  
“I hate lager …”  
  
And with that Rimmer immediately broke the new and strange tension between them.  
“You're just saying that because on IO they only have that thick bitter crap. This is sweet lager from Ganymede here! Not smegging JMC homebrew!!”  
  
“But … alcohol on an empty stomach?” Rimmer tried, knowing his low tolerance for alcohol he worried how he'd be if his stomach wasn't lined at all, especially in his emotional state.  
Lister seemed not to care too much about it, though. All he wanted was for Rimmer to finally calm down and eat something.  
“Hey, you can have a slice of pizza before you drink it and if you get a hangover, well … I'll do the first shift tomorrow. Now stop worrying put on your PJ's and get in your bunk. I'll get dinner ready.”  
  
Rimmer shrugged and smirked. No-one had ever been able to make him want to abandon his studies just to have fun, but for some weird reason this felt good.  
“Oh well, all right, just once.”  
And with that he got up and went to the bathroom as Lister returned to the small cooking area.

* * *

Rimmer returned from the shower in his pajamas, slightly shivering. To his delight he found that Lister had turned up his electric blanket. With a happy sigh he crawled beneath the covers, noting that something was sure smelling good.  
The second he'd gotten comfortable Lister stood by his bedside holding a tray with a steaming bowl and mug on it.  
“Hey, Arn, look, I found I had some curry and coconut milk left and a few veggies from Krissy. So I made you an Anything-You-Have Curry soup and also a cuppa to calm your stomach a bit before the pizza.”  
  
Rimmer looked up in surprise. Why was Lister so sweet to him? No-one was ever sweet to him. Was it just because, as Lister said, he liked looking after people, or did he – maybe – like him? But no-one liked him.  
  
Lister smiled at the obvious mixture of joy and confusion that battled in Rimmer's eyes. The truth was that he was doing all of this simply because he wanted to. Over the past few weeks he'd been so happy with Kochanski that he wanted nothing more than for others to be happy to. He'd been feeling increasingly sorry for Rimmer for quite some time: the obvious pressure he felt under, the crippling study schedule, the desperate loneliness and the bullying he faced everyday. Sometimes he was certain he could hear him cry at night after the lights went out. Hearing Rimmer had been running that stupid shift alone all day without a decent meal made him feel a bit guilty. Had he known he'd have helped him out. He wasn't sure what it was, but there was something about Rimmer that made him want to take care of him. Maybe he just liked fixing things that were ruined or broken and Rimmer seemed in need of fixing. He didn't know a lot about his life, all he was certain of was that Rimmer might be a smeghead but the man deserved a break.  
  
Rimmer took the soup with due gratitude and Lister started on re-heating the pizza to perfection. After a few minutes he came to take Rimmer's starter tray and returned to the bunk with a new tray overloaded with pizza, packets of crisps and fresh Ganymade lager. With a smile Rimmer scooted over towards the wall to make way for Lister. The look on his face told the Scouser that moments like this had probably never happened before in this man's life, but he decided to not address it.  
“So here's the TV dinner then ...” He laughed instead as he settled in.  
  
Rimmer got comfortable and after that seemed slightly confused. He looked at Lister.  
“So, what are the rules?”  
Lister frowned.  
“Rules?”  
“Yes, the rules of … this?”  
The man really had no idea about anything, had he?  
“Well erm … I don't think there are any, mate …”  
“Come on, everything has rules!” Rimmer insisted.  
Lister decided to throw him a bone.  
“Well, in theory you get comfy eat till you throw up and hope the movie is good.”  
Rimmer nodded.  
“Okay.”  
“Now shut it and eat your pizza. And yes, that's a rule!”  
  
Watching Rimmer eat his first slice of pizza was an event in itself. The man took it of the tray slowly and warily as if he was trying to touch a poisonous snake. With a massive grin Lister watched as he then raised the slice to his mouth to take a bite.  
"Well?"  
"Oh my God, that's delicious!!"  
"Told you!"  
For a while they sat and ate in silence. Rimmer in disbelieve at doing something so “not him”, Lister in disbelieve at having a quiet night in with Rimmer instead of Kochanski, both enjoying it more than they'd ever admit to the other.  
The film was not Rimmer's usual fare but he found that watching it with Lister made it fun. They laughed, asked questions and shared a few life stories. Rimmer had never talked so much before, he knew.  
  
When the movie finished and the pizza, crisps and lagers were all downed Lister saw a flicker of disappointment on Rimmer's face. That did him good, if Rimmer liked this maybe there was a layer of friendship there that they could build on.  
“Hey … Rimmer …” He started softly.  
The man looked up, and Lister saw his pupils give away the tell-tale signs of someone quite drunk.  
“Sst …” Rimmer slurred. “I know I won't admit to ever saying this in the morning … but …” He looked into Lister's eyes, betraying decades of hurt, loneliness and … longing. “Kochanski … Kochanski is a lucky woman …” And with that he blacked out.  
  
The next morning Lister kept his promise and did the first shift by himself so Rimmer could recover from his hangover. Rimmer in turn was moved by Lister keeping his word and from that moment on the pair were more or less friends, with Lister looking after Rimmer as much as he could. Helping him with his studies and making sure he ate. This lasted until the day Lister used some mushrooms he stole from Headbanger Harris in his bunkmates breakfast. The mushrooms contained a halucinetic that caused Rimmer a very public psychotic breakdown. This was a disaster. All Lister had wanted to do was to surprise Rimmer with an amazing breakfast and he was wracked with guilt.  
Sadly Rimmer had been let down too often in his life and had convinced himself that making a fool out of him in front of the entire ship had been the plan all along. Soon he closed himself off from Lister and no matter how much he apologised Rimmer refused to believe him. To make matters worse, a few days later Kochanski dumped him as well and soon Lister lost interested in everything, including Rimmer. The moment passed and the events of that special night were never mentioned again. At least not until three million years later, when Lister found out that no matter how broken something might seem, if you work on it long enough it can always be fixed.


End file.
